so close and yet... so far...

You know you are getting married in less than a month when...

you have no desire to do homework whatsoever...

getting a B in a class is an amazing achievement...

you don't have to do those last few assignments in order to achieve the B and you are okay with that...

you suddenly realize you will no longer have to share one bathroom with 5 other girls...

your favorite pass time involves sitting on the couch discussing the few last minuted details of wedding plans... and cuddling...

it finally sinks in that you never have to go on a first date again...

you keep thinking its never going to come and suddenly wake up one morning to find that its 2 weeks away...

you find yourself arguing with your mother over dumb little things like which part of the cake is going to be fake...

you start packing to move and realize that there is a lot of stuff from high school that you can't figure out why you still have...

even when you do attend class (which you only make it to half of them anyway)you spend all your time looking at wedding plans or finishing homework for the next class that you didn't do the night before...

when you are supposed to be doing homework, you end up spending an hour or two sitting on the couch cuddling and accomplishing pretty much nothing...

you carry around a stack of announcements just in case you run into someone you forgot to send one to in the first place...

you are probably not going to study for your finals and hope you get a good grade because you really just don't want to...

So yeah... that's about how my life is going right now, I'm sure there are plenty more things I could add to that list, but for now, suffice it to say, life is crazy busy and I'm so ready for the semester to be over! Just 14 more days, which is so crazy to think about. I swear it was just yesterday that I was thinking that thanksgiving would never come. Now it has come and gone and I'm wondering what happened to the last month of my life. There are still so many little things to do and I'm starting to wonder how it will ever all get done... but the good thing is, in the end it all doesn't really matter because life will be great no matter what! :D

Seasons of Change...

Its interesting how much life can change in a matter of a week. Ya never know what is going to happen and how it is going to change EVERYTHING. For the last month or two I have been wondering what was going to happen with my relationship with Brian. We were starting to get to that point where either you move forward and possibly get married, or you end the relationship and start the whole dating process all over again. I had decided that if he wanted to move forward, I was okay with that, but he still wasn't saying anything. Then a week and half ago, everything changed. I went from having no idea where this was going one day, to planning a wedding the next! I'm not gonna lie, I'm definitely happy about it, but its crazy how fast it all can change.

So there you have the big news! In 57 days, I will no longer be Nicole Twede, I will be Nicole Fisher! :D How did all this come about you might ask? well I already typed up the whole story for our web page so I'll just have you go to that:

https://sites.google.com/site/marriageiswhatbringsustogether/home

I'm not sure what is going to happen to this blog yet, I will probably keep it updated a little bit (probably about as much as I do now anyway) but I think I'm going to start a new one as well. I'll have to see if Brian wants to help out with that one. ;) So for now we'll call it good!

Penny for Thought:

Life really can change forever in a single moment. Nothing in this life is truly certain. As one of my favorite movies says "Nothings certain till your dead and even then I'm sure God negotiates." Well I'm not so sure about the negotiation part, but life really does have twists and turns and unexpected bumps along the way, not all of them bad. Just be prepared for the unexpected and don't get your heart to set on things because God just may have something better in store for you. I know he did for me! :)

Long Lost Thoughts...

So I realized today just how long it has been since I actually added something to this and decided it was just about time that I fix that. I guess something about being super busy with work and school and having a life (especially once you get a boyfriend) tend to make things like this get shoved to the back of the list of things to do.

Quick update on my life for the last couple months... I started dating an awesome guy named Brian (ironic because my dad's name is also Brian) who has a sister named Nicole... and a roommate named Chris (my little brother's name...) This should seem like a disaster waiting to happen, but so far it has been awesome! Random events such as sidewalk chalk drawing, star gazing, dancing and all sorts of other awesome adventures still occur and I am totally okay with that! (that is when we aren't sitting at my kitchen table spending hours on homework...)

I also got a job as a cashier at the BYU Bookstore! This may sound slightly strange, but I love working cash registers! I know, call me crazy, but its true! After almost a month and half, I am still loving my job! The only sad thing is I have to work the Homecoming game, but I think I'll get over it since I get paid and I'll still be able to go to at least the last quarter anyway.

I have decided that I am one of the luckiest people ever to have such amazing people in my life. I moved into a house south of campus this fall and I'm not sure what I did to deserve it, but I ended up with the best roommates ever! We all love hanging out together and often times ended up laughing so hard we can't even say roommate prayer!

So yeah, that's the basics of what is going on with me lately. I was taking 18 credits and an online class on top of work and social life... but after about a week I found that I was going to die if I tried to keep that up, sooo... German is now set up on the top shelf until I find time later in my life to pick it up again. But I'm still loving every minute of what I am doing and I'm so excited to see where life takes me! School is going great, even when I get behind... and I've discovered that I actually do do better with homework if I go to bed early and get up in the morning to finish it... strange, but its true!

Well I gotta run, hopefully I'll have more time to write something a little more exciting and insightful, but for now...

Penny For Thought...

I discovered over the last few weeks that reading my scriptures first thing in the morning has literally changed my life. I know it seems simple, but just changing your perspective and ordering things in your life can make a huge difference. I've suddenly found the time I need to get everything done, even when it seems impossible. I know that might not make much sense, but hey, if nothing else its worth a try right? Priorities can make all the difference if you let them!

Different Books Have Different Covers

I recently decided that I will not be turning in my mission papers after all. Its kind of strange how life can take turns you aren't expecting. Over the last couple months I have been flip-flopping back and forth trying to decide whether or not I was going to go and it wasn't until the last week or so that I finally realized what has been causing all the confusion in my life.

Ever since I was young I have had the idea of mission basically shoved down my throat. While this isn't a bad thing in and of itself, it has created a lot of internal strife that I didn't realize I was trying to deal with. Most of the women that surround me in my life have gone on missions. My mom and several of my aunts, half of my roommates, most of the girls in my current ward. Everywhere I turn there are examples of amazing women who have gone on missions and I love all of them. Even as a small child when we were learning how to pray, part of the nightly prayer was "and please help us to go on missions."

When I was a child it seemed like the greatest thing in the world and just something that would happen. As I grew older though I started to focus on other things, mainly boys. At the time I didn't understand a lot of the things that I do now and I made decisions that brought trials that in some people's eyes might have been better if they had been avoided. However, I learned something over the last couple weeks that has taught me a valuable lesson when it comes to trials in our lives.

We are all children of our Heavenly Father and as such each of us is unique. We all have our own ways of learning, growing, and loving. Even if we all had the exact same experiences in life, we would still react to and do things differently. That being said, my realization this week was that the Lord knows my strengths and the desires of my heart, but he also knows my weaknesses. In fact he knows them so well that he knows how to use them to make me a better person and make those weaknesses become my strengths. He knows me so well that he knows that I would make the wrong decision in certain circumstance that in the eyes of some might seem as though I was weak or vulnerable. What I have learned is that that is not who I am. I am a daughter of God who is seeking each and every day of my life with every decision that I make to follow the Lord and do those things that he would have me do.

Some may look at that and say "yeah but look where it made you end up and look how close you were to being in this bad situation." My answer to that is, yep, you are exactly right and I honestly believe that that is how the Lord intended it to be. Every decision that I made, I made based on what I felt was the right thing to do at the time. Those of you that are older might look at it and say "if only you had done this or that" or "if only you had understood this at the time." The reality of it is this. We have all had different experiences and we are all on different levels of learning. I make decisions based on the level of knowledge that I have gained up to that point and what I feel the Lord would have me do. That does not mean that I will always make the best decision, but it does mean that I am doing the best that I know how to do and that is what truly matters.

Every relationship that I have been in, every friendship that I have had, and every experience that I have been through has been part of a building project that the Lord has set in motion to be able to make me the person HE wants me to be. I know without a shadow of a doubt in my mind that everything that I have been through up to this point in my life has been for my good and betterment. While there may have been other ways that I could have learned some of the things that I did, the Lord allowed me to use my agency to make mistakes. But he also used those mistakes to build me up and make me the person I am today. Every one of the mistakes I have learned from and grown to be better. With out even one of them I would not have the strength and courage and understanding that I developed.

So what, you may ask, does this have to do with mission? Well, for so long I have felt that I "HAD" to go on a mission, like there wasn't a choice. With everyone around me going on missions and constantly hearing about it from parents, relatives, and friends I felt that I would be a disappointment to them if I didn't go. But that's not what the Lord has taught. Like it or not, the Lord has not commanded the sisters of the church to go on missions. I took a marriage and family class this term and it has helped me have a better perspective of how the Lord works. I decided it was finally time that I find out what it is that the LORD wants me to do and not what everyone around me keeps telling me. So that's what I did, I prayed and debated with myself and seriously considered all that options and consequences of going/not going on a mission. And ya know what, I still didn't get a clear definitive, "yes or no" answer from the Lord. I was still frustrated.

Then one day in my marriage and family class a quote was put up on the board by Richard G. Scott. Here is what it says:
"What do you do when you have prepared carefully, have prayed fervently, waited a reasonable time for a response, and still do not feel an answer? You may want to express thanks when that occurs, for it is an evidence of His trust. when you are living worthily and your choice is consistent with the Savior's teachings and you need to act, proceed with trust. As you are sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit, one of two things will certainly occur at the appropriate time: either the stupor of thought will come, indicating an improper choice, or the peace or the burning in the bosom will be felt, confirming that your choice was correct. When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision."
I realized several things at that point in time:
1) The decision I had made about going on a mission was still bothering me and I hadn't found peace about it yet.
2) I finally understood how it was that I had been able to go through all the experiences I had without going too far down the wrong path. I was acting in the manner that I honestly felt the Lord wanted me to and because my heart was where it should have been, the Lord didn't allow me to go too far without a slap in the face or big red flashing lights saying turn around.
3) I needed to make a new decision about going on a mission. I needed to look at it differently.

So that's what I did, I went back to the drawing board and looked at it through the eyes of the teachings of the prophets and that's when I started to feel greater peace and understanding. Going on a mission is not a priority for me right now. Some day I would love to go, but for now, my mission is to finish school, that is my priority. I finally understood that the frustration had been coming from a conflict of what the Lord wanted me to do and what those around me, though not always verbally stated, were expecting of me.

Each one of us has different desires, different goals, different opinions, and different understandings of things in life, but the one thing we have in common is that the Lord loves us unconditionally. He is always there, always willing to reach out and help, and wants nothing more than to help us succeed in every aspect of life. It is that knowledge of his relationship with me that gives me the courage and the strength to stand and say that I am a child of God and that I will do whatever it takes to do those things that he would have me do despite what the world or even family members and friends might think of me or the things that I do. Nothing can change my conviction of the truthfulness of the gospel and the Love of our Savior Jesus Christ who sacrificed literally everything so that we might have joy and happiness in this life and in the world to come. He is my redeemer and I have a burning desire to follow him and do those things that will allow me to become like him.

Penny for thought...

One of the other things that I learned from all this is how little we all really know about each other. Outward appearances can be very deceiving, and I don't just mean the clothes that one wears and how one does ones hair. We all make decisions every day of our life based on different things that we have experienced. How we make decisions will be different from the person next to us and we can't judge someone based on their decision because we have no idea what is in their heart and exactly why they made the choice they did. Someone can even make a good choice but for all the wrong reasons. I guess all I'm asking is this: Before you go jumping to conclusions about the decisions someone is making in his/her life, ask yourself this question... "If I were in her shoes and had experienced what she had, would I be making the same decision?"

One Foot in Front of the Other

So I decided to break with tradition and actually post something without waiting a month! Crazy huh? I guess when you have something worth writing about it takes precedence over tradition. This last weekend I went on trek with my entire family. It was interesting watching how everyone reacted to it. You had people like me who were totally stoked and ready to go, People who were there just because their parents made them go, and people who were just along for the ride. No matter what category they were in though, every person made a contribution to the atmosphere of the trek and we all left a little bit of a different person (some had smaller changes than others, but we were all different none the less). Something about going out and pulling a handcart 10 miles in two days in the hot sun gives you a new perspective for good or bad.

I can't speak for everyone on the trek, but I'd like to share my little picture of the world and the impact that it had on me. As we started out on our little journey, each of us were given a paper with a name and story of one of the original pioneers. I was given Ann Morris Butler Rice. She was 39 at the time she crossed the plains with the 3rd Handcart Company on June 28, 1858. Before she even set foot on the trail, she had had to endure a long journey from Wales with her 2 remaining children. Her husband and other 2 children had died of cholera. Rather than being disheartened and giving up on the church, she became an amazing example of faith and pursued the command to gather to Salt Lake.

With this story in mind, I set out on my own trek. As we were pulling the handcart up a large hill, I looked down at my feet and started thinking about what it would be like to be a single mother, not only pulling the handcart, but trying to keep track of two young children on my own. Ann's example of faith and courage was amazing to me. I started thinking about my own life and the trials that I have been through. Though I haven't been asked to give up all the worldly things that I own and walk halfway across the country, I have been asked to give up my own ideas of what is important and allow the Lord's plan to be the center of my life. I am by no means perfect at this goal, but I have been making a valiant effort. I still have a long way to go, but I know that I'm on the right path.

As we continued our journey, I found myself being slightly irritated by all the talk about all the hard things that the pioneers went through. Don't get me wrong, they did go through a lot of difficult trials and we need to remember those, but I also think its good to remember that it wasn't all sad. The pioneers had great faith, they wouldn't have started out on such a journey otherwise. And with that faith comes a great trust in the Lord. That trust and reliance on our Savior is what brings peace and happiness despite the trials that come into our lives. The Pioneers understood that. On our second day we were given the second half of our person's story. Of all the lines in it, the one that touched me the most was "Ann pulled the cart with a song and prayer in her heart." Such a simple thought but something that has so much impact in our lives. Imagine what would happen if every person woke up each morning and "pulled the cart" of our lives "with a song and prayer in [our] hearts"? how different would the world be if we had that same faith, to know that it doesn't matter what is to come, what hardships may be brought into our little sphere of time, that joy, happiness, and support are only a prayer away?

After we were given the last part of the story, we had a little testimony meeting under the quaking aspens next to a large open meadow. As the leaves fluttered in the breeze, several people stood and bore their testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I realized more in that moment than I had ever before that it doesn't matter what level your testimony is on, whether you cry or not, or if you use big elaborate words. The most important thing is that you have one and you take the time to share it with those around you. Sometimes that doesn't even mean sharing it with words. Your life can be your testimony, and should be your ultimate testimony. That's what the Pioneers did. Their lives were their testimony and witness to their faith. I wrote in my journal as we were finishing up our little testimony meeting and I'd like to share part of what i wrote:

"It's so hard to fully understand what the Pioneers truly went through. Pulling a handcart through the woods for two days can only give you so much insight. It's not even really about pulling the handcart. It's about the people. The people then, that sacrificed, and us now, the people who have the responsibility, just like the pioneers, to better the church and to take the gospel to all those out in the world that have yet to hear it."

That is what it is all about. The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. His plan of happiness is essential for our eternal salvation and happiness. There is no other way. That is why the Pioneers left their homes and sometimes even their families to travel across the world to follow the Lord's prophet on the earth at that time. We have the same responsibility now and forever. This gospel cannot and will not fail, I know that without a doubt in my mind. My goal is no longer to find out whether or not its true, it is now to live it to its fullest and I intend to do that for all eternity!

Penny for Thought...

The bishop of my home ward posed an interesting question, one that I think deserves a lot of personal thought... "Do trials make you become bitter or better?" Granted we all have our down and off days, but on average where do you stand? Are you the one that people see as happy no matter what is going on in your life? do you grow from those trials, or do you let them get you down? Its all a matter of personal choice, what will yours be...

Out of Sight out of Mind

I've decided that despite my consistent efforts with a daily journal, I'm not that effective at keeping up to date on my blog. Probably because I don't feel the need to do it as much since I do keep a regular journal, that and life seems to be keeping me pretty busy... or I'm keeping my life busy, something like that.

The most exciting news I have to offer as of late is that my sister moved in with me about 2 weeks ago and I've decided that I love it! Yeah, we have our little differences and my "motherly nature" comes out every once in awhile which I kind of regret at times, but getting to spend time with her is pretty much awesome! We made a goal to ride our bikes as much as possible. We even went so far as to say that we were going to try and go the whole summer without filling up our cars with gas... this has proved to be a little more difficult than originally planned, but we are making a valiant effort none the less. *imagine radio announcers voice* Stay tuned for more info about our random bike escapades!

One of the things that I have discovered over the last two years since I moved away from home is that family really is something that means more to me than anything else. I remember when I first moved away from home and thought that I was so glad to be away from everything... no more high school drama, no more little siblings running around being obnoxious and yelling at you, no more parents telling you want to do... I thought it would be the best thing ever. And I was right, none of those things were there. But somehow, the drama did still exist, it just took on a new twist (dating took on a whole new meaning, all of a sudden you could potentially marry the person you were going on a date with, that thought was never to cross your mind when you were in high school) Yes, the siblings were gone, but suddenly roommates became pretty much the same thing, except you had to be nicer to them. (I got lucky and actually had really awesome roommates so it wasn't that big of a deal for me, though it was still interesting to have to get used to living with new people) And while it was true that parents were no longer telling you what to do, I somehow found myself missing their questions of where I was going. (that was until I'd been away for a year and went home to visit and all of a sudden had to be accountable to them again).

I also realized in all of this that my parents actually did know what they were talking about when they were giving me advice when I was in high school. As much as I thought that I knew better, I really was just another one of those stubborn teenagers who though they knew everything when in reality I still had about the understanding of a five year old who was determined to do everything on my own. Its true what they say about parents understanding more about your life than you give them credit for. The problem is that they have the added bonus of hindsight and they don't always realize that the reality of what is going on is not what we want to hear at the time we are going through the trial, we just want someone to let us whine about it for awhile, not tell us it will be okay and we'll be grateful for it eventually.

I've come to the conclusion that as parents its their responsibility, no, their duty to personally embarrass and provoke their children to anger when it comes to sharing stories about all the stupid things you said or did, and not just when you were a young child. Guaranteed anything that is told to your mother (or at least to mine) about the awkward and strange (and happy news) things that you have done will be shared with every family friend, neighbor, and random person in the mall that she stops to talk to. Mothers love to talk about their kids, and its not because they don't love you and want to make your life miserable, its because they DO love you and they want to share all the ways that you have grown and learned more about yourself. (this does however, result in comments such as "oh so you are the one that fell down four flights of stairs and landed in the mop bucket at the bottom!" no that has not actually happened to me, though it would make a good story...)

No, the best part about all this isn't the fact that I finally "got away" from all the "annoyances" of living with my family, its all the times that I have gone home and been tackled by my younger siblings trying to be the first one to give me a hug. Its all of the several hour long phone calls with my mom, even if we aren't actually talking about something. Its the random family vacations that take my mind off all the homework that I should be working on instead. Its the opportunity to see my dad in a whole new way and get to understand him more and talk to him like I never had when I lived at home. Its realizing that my brothers aren't just annoying, they actually can be fun to hang out and play games with. Its going home and not getting any sleep because my sister and I stay up till all hours of the morning talking trying to get caught up on each others lives. And most importantly, its the understanding of what it truly means to be an eternal family, to appreciate the fact that no matter what happens, we will all be together forever. That truth is something that will always be a comfort in my life and bring joy no matter how many trials I am facing at the time.

Penny for thought...

While families are forever, that is not an excuse for putting off till tomorrow what you should be doing today. Just because they will be with you for eternity doesn't mean that you should neglect them now. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, so why not start today? I have a quote on the wall in my room that says something to the effect of "Life saved for tomorrow leaves a lot of empty yesterdays." Are you saving your "I love you"s for tomorrow? Maybe they need to hear it today, because tomorrow may never come and even if it does... you said tomorrow once, who's to say you won't do it again?

The Parable of the Journey

I have recently discovered that I have a lot I still need to learn about life and receiving answers from the Lord versus trying to decide something on my own. Its interesting to see how the Lord is testing me and giving me the wonderful opportunity to learn from myself and how I personally receive inspiration from the Lord. So many people can tell you how to get answers from the Lord and how it works for them, but in the end none of that matters. The only thing that matters is how it works for you. And that's the hard part. How do you figure out how it works for you if you've never truly experienced it before? Or maybe you have and you just didn't recognize it for what it was. Either way, the process of finding what it is you are looking for in life isn't an easy road. The road is long and hard at times and sometimes even impossible to see where it actually goes. That's where the Lord comes in. He's walked that path and he knows all the secret hidden turns and how to get to where you want to go.

Several months ago I had a truly life changing experience that brought me to a better understanding of how this principle works in my life. I call it the parable of the journey. As a little child we start out crawling in our attempts to move forward. Before long we find that its possible to stand with the assistance of things around us. Our parents notice that we are trying to progress to the next step so they hold our hands as we experiment with this new found thing called walking. Once in awhile we might venture from the security of the hand trying to do it on our own but most times we end up falling. Sometimes those falls hurt, other times they are a minor bump in the road, but every time we get back up and try again. Before too long we are able to move forward maybe only holding onto a finger. Eventually we have the ability to walk on our own. Sometimes, however, as we are walking on our own we realize that we might start walking down a path that is full of ruts and we aren't quite sure how to navigate them and make it through safely. That's when we go back to holding hands and moving forward with the guidance of those that have traveled those roads.

So it is in our lives with the Lord. As we start out on this journey we call life, we find that we don't understand or see how everything is supposed to work. We've never done this before and life requires that helping hand in order to be able to do it right. Eventually though we start to figure it out. We start walking on our own, we let go of the hand and take our own steps, sometimes into the dark but right behind us whenever we need him to take our hand is the Savior. He's there to help us get through those struggles and ruts in life called trials.

I have often wondered about the times in my life when I realize that I'm not as close to the Lord as I am when I'm struggling. I thought that I must be doing something wrong and that i was becoming complacent and not making the effort I should. It was then that i thought of this parable and realized it wasn't that I was neglecting the Lord, because I wasn't, it was that the Lord was letting me walk on my own. He wasn't holding my hand and pulling me forward because I didn't need him to, but he was still there walking beside me and if I needed him to step in and help me he would.

I also realized that he lets us choose our own path. The other day I visited my aunt who adopted a little girl about a year and half ago. Amina wasn't feeling good but really really wanted to go outside so I took her for a walk. She held onto my finger and led me all over the front yard looking at the flowers and the grass and enjoying the beauty of nature. Then she started to lead me across the street. At first I was hesitant but I realized that because I was with her holding her hand she would be safe so we did. I let her lead me where she thought we should go. We ended up across the street in a neighbors yard. Then she started to want to go around the back. I attempted to redirect her but her determination to be in the sunlight despite not being the best place to be led us around the side of the house. It was then that I decided it was time to intervene. At that point I told her it was time to go home so we could give mom the flowers we had picked. So we started on our little journey back home.

Just like I let Amina choose the path she wanted to follow in our little walk, so too does the Lord with us. But he's always right there with us, he's always ready to help us get back on the right path if we ever stray and he knows how to get there safely.

I guess that's what I've discovered recently in my attempts at making the biggest decisions of my life. I seem to be coming to a lot of forks in the road where I could go several different ways. In the past I've either just gone with the first option I came to or I would go with what I wanted. Neither of those options have really led me to what I was hoping to find. I've realized that its not about the end result. Its not about how fast you get there. The thing that really matters is how you get there and whether or not you decide to use the guide that knows the way there. The Lord has the map of your life laying out right in front of him. Once in awhile he shows you a part of it and gives you a push in the right direction without you having to ask, but more often he waits for you to ask for directions. He knows that the only way for you to grow and learn is by making mistakes. He knows that in order for you to be all that you can be, you have to fall down and get hurt. If he always picked you right back up or never let you fall in the first place you wouldn't grow.

I've realized how many times I've tried to walk straight up the mountain rather than following the trail that is marked out for me. I might still get where I want to go, but I end up with a lot of cuts and bruises along the way, whereas if I had asked the Lord in the first place and followed the path he had marked out for me I could have saved myself a lot of tears and pain. That's not to say that if I did take the path marked out to get to the top that it would be easy. The path is still steep and uphill and there are still stumbling blocks along the way. But the most amazing thing about this whole experience is that even if I do decide to hike straight up that mountain and make my life difficult, the Lord is right there the entire way and he's still willing and ready to help me get there. Life was never meant to be easy and that's what makes it so amazing!

Penny for Thought...

The Lord is our guide. He is there to help when we ask, but no matter what he always gives us the ultimate choice in where we want to go. What are you choosing? Are you struggling up the mountain and missing the path completely and trying to do it on your own? Or are you asking the Lord for guidance and help? Are you humble enough to admit that you aren't on the path anymore and you need help getting back to it? Or are you one of those people marching up that path with the Lord at your side and telling him about all your experiences as you go? He's there, are you inviting him into your life?

Sunny Sunday Afternoons!

So despite the persistent elusiveness of a new job, I have found joy this, well now somewhat cloudy, Sunday afternoon. The BYU ward stereotype of consistently speaking of dating and marriage led my good friend Priscilla and I into a 2 hour rendezvous of creative date planning. By the end of those two laugh filled hours, we had come up with 22 rather impressive date ideas! Why do I bring this up, some may ask? Well, several men that I have spoken with have expressed the concern that coming up with something to do for a date isn't always easy. Priscilla and I now have proof that such a thing is not as hard as one might think. The only reason we quit was we realized that even if we asked a guy on date every Friday and Saturday for the rest of the summer, we still probably wouldn't get through all of them. So for you men out there that struggle with coming up with something to do on your Friday night out with the opposite sex, here is just a taste of what we came up with...

GLOW IN THE DARK LASER TAG

Sounds just like regular laser tag? Well not if you go to DI, pick out random clothes for each other, and then paint each other with glow in the dark paint! Not only do you get the awesomeness of laser tag, you get the epicness of a paint war!

Like I said, this is just a taste, one of the more "normal" date ideas that we came up with. (of course I saved the best ones for our own personal use, maybe after they have been successfully accomplished they will be put up here). So the next time that you come up cold turkey and have no idea what to do on your date, just remember, it is possible to come up with all sorts of random things, you just gotta get creative and think outside the box!

Penny for Thought...

Since it is Mother's Day, I just wanted to say thank you to my mother for all she has done for me. She has truly been an example in my life and given me more than I could have ever hoped for! She is an inspiration in my life and I couldn't ask for anyone better to be there for me through everything that comes with living life in this crazy world! I hope that all of us can remember our mothers, not just today, but every day of the year and thank them for all that they do, even when they make mistakes. When was the last time you sincerely told your mother that you love her and not just at the end of a phone conversation? Maybe today is the day that it needs to be expressed...

Door is closed... so where is the window?

Job hunting in Provo seems to be pretty hopeless right now. You'd think after 2 weeks that I would have come up with something, anything... but so far no luck. And you know its bad when you even start slightly considering such places as McDonalds... though I don't think I've quite reached that point yet, the thought has crossed my mind. The most annoying part is that I applied to be an EFY counselor for the summer but they still haven't figured everything out yet and the interview was at the beginning of February... Hence the current search for another job. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

On a more positive note, I got to see my family this last weekend! Most memorable quote for the weekend was "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM!?!?! YOU SHOCKED MY FISH TO DEATH!" In context... My 15 year old brother Austin hadn't cleaned his room which is where my roommate Porsche and I were supposed to be sleeping... so we did it for him. When he got back from his trip and finally made it down to his room, that was the first phrase out of his mouth. It was great! oh, and the fish... when we got there, there were 3 fish in the tank, 1 of which was dead. By the time he got home, they were all dead. hazards of a small fish bowl and cheep Walmart fish. I'm not sure why, but for some reason whenever I go home, I get roped into cleaning some project/room in our house. My youngest brother Braydon already informed me that next time I go home I'm supposed to do his room... AGAIN. Hahaha, you'd think they would keep it clean... guess that's how it works with teenage boys!

So I'm starting a new term today. I'm pretty excited for it, should be pretty laid back and fun, especially since my earliest class is at 10 but that's only on Thursday and I don't have class on Friday! Yay for fun 3 day weekends every week! Party time!


Today's Penny for thought...

Thankful: conscious of benefit received(dictionary definition). Gratitude seems to have been the theme for the last week or so in my life so I decided to look it up and that's what I found. I say thank you for a lot of stuff, but am I really paying attention to what I'm saying thank you for? I wonder how the world would be different if we were all more conscious of the things people did for us. And I don't just mean saying thank you, but truly recognizing the efforts others put into our lives and making it a point to show them and not just tell them that you appreciate it. I think there would be a greater effort to reach out to others if we all knew that it would be appreciated... Just a thought...

The start of a new tradition...

I never thought that I would actually consider starting a blog. I never really saw the point since I keep a journal anyway and have all kinds of pictures on my computer. However, for some reason as we were driving down the winding, bumpy roads of the hills of Costa Rica, something in me snapped and I realized how much I really wanted to share some of my thoughts with the world, or at least those few people who will read this.

I've never been a very good writer (or at least I never thought that I was) but I don't feel like I need to be in this case. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, nor do I really care. I guess I just wanted to have some place where I could feel a little more vocal about some of the thoughts that I have had.

I have always considered myself to be a very lucky person. I've never had to think much about food or anything like that, not even as a college student. But somehow, being here in a country where even such things as finding a place to stay for the night can be difficult, has made me think more about it. If you had asked me a two days ago if I felt safe where I live, I would have said yeah for the most part. But now I would say most definitely. That's not to say that i would ever go walking down a dark street alone for ANY reason, but just in general.

Why the change? It comes from seeing places like this...
When we first drove by I wondered if this little shack still had people living in it, then I saw the clothes and a little boy come out of the shack.

I don't know if you have ever been to a place where you drive down the road and literally every building you pass has a fence around it and/or bars on the windows, but its a little unnerving to know that such a thing is necessary.

As we were driving around with my uncle last night he made a statement that I will probably never forget. "This neighborhood is safe, there are security guards everywhere." Security guards? At what point did that become necessary to classify something as safe?

I've noticed that there are two kinds of people here. As my dad said "those who have, and those who have not." Those who have, have big tall walls topped with barbed wire around their rather large houses. Those who have not live in little shacks like the one above built out of the scrap metal they find.

I'm not sure what made me so anxious about all this today, I guess just seeing it all again and coming to grips with how real it all actually is. There isn't much I can do about it, but it does give me a greater appreciation for things that I have in my life and the wonderful people that I am surrounded by each and every day. My hope is that someday I can do something to make a difference, especially for the children that are living in such places, and that maybe we can all have a greater appreciation for what we do "have" rather than complain about the things that we "have not".